Annie

Dear Annie: Why do we have etiquette?

Dear Annie: I'm wondering whether you could weigh in on a disagreement my wife and I have.

As a daughter of former hippies, she was not taught etiquette or social graces when she was growing up. Most of the time, her irreverence is charming to me, and her questioning of authority and societal norms is attractive.

When it comes to me, I tend to be a pleaser and thus try to have good manners.

I mentioned the other day that etiquette exists so that we are kind to others. My wife balked at that idea. From what I surmise, she basically thinks that a bunch of old men in wigs sat down one day and decided, for example, that people should not chew with their mouths full. I think the rule that people should not chew with their mouths full exists because other people find open-mouthed chewing disgusting.

Could you please give your thoughts on this? Honestly, I was completely floored by my wife's opinion -- somehow this had never come up in 11 years of marriage -- but it explains so much about her. -- Polite Guy

Dear Polite Guy: I'm with you. Etiquette, at its heart, isn't a set of irrelevant rules that some pinky-raising white-gloved elites impose upon the masses; it's a living, breathing collective agreement of how we ought to communicate respect to one another. Perhaps your wife could stop looking at manners as burdens and start regarding them as opportunities -- chances to say "I care" with her actions. It's not as if such actions demand too much effort. Sending a thank-you card, for example, takes five minutes and about 50 cents; chewing with one's mouth closed requires no more effort than chewing with it open.

Unfortunately, as with a second language, it's much easier to learn politeness as a child than as an adult. I'm not sure how much you or I could change her mind on the subject at this point. But you're not wrong for trying. And if she continues to scoff at manners, rest assured that her behavior reflects on her alone, not you.

Dear Annie: I'd like to share my response to "74-Year-Old Wallflower," the lifelong bachelor who was wondering how to break in to dating now:

Buy some dancing shoes and take up ballroom dancing! You'll learn a skill that deters aging, improves memory, gets you moving, makes you happy and gets you socializing with wonderful people (and may win you a date with a wonderful woman). The benefits of social dancing are amazing, and you can usually find classes at your local senior center or American Legion post, or you can learn super fast by signing up for private lessons at a local dance studio. In no time, "Wallflower," you will become a bright and happy daisy on the dance floor. -- Janet S.

Dear Janet: You are not the only person who wrote in to say that "74-Year-Old Wallflower" should take up ballroom dancing. It sounds like a fabulous way to make friends and stay healthy. Thanks for the suggestion.

Dear Annie: Recently, someone wrote to you asking about whether men should always pay for dates now. I agree that the one issuing the invitation should pay for a first date. But I do not appreciate the term "to go Dutch," which is an old slur based on the supposed excessive frugality of the people of Holland. Try "50-50" instead, please. -- Diane

Dear Diane: I had no idea that some consider the origin of that phrase pejorative, and I apologize for using it. My dictionaries, which usually indicate when terms are offensive, do not note that. Some people say that the term stems from the concept of Dutch doors. Of course, I meant no offense to the people of Holland. Regardless, "50-50" works for me. Thank you for writing.

"Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book -- featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Annie Starke's Romantic At-Home Wedding in Bedford, New York

Family is important to Annie Starke and Marc Albu—so much that they chose to include their loved ones in their engagement, wedding planning, and, ultimately, their wedding day. For starters, the college sweethearts—she's an actress and daughter of Glenn Close; he's a management consultant—got engaged on Annie's grandfather's beloved boat, the Zula, at her father's home in Brookhaven, New York, on August 19, 2016. "The Zula has been in my family for almost 100 years, and my dad is the third generation to live in Brookhaven," Annie says. "The setting was absolutely perfect, and after Marc popped the question, he surprised me by inviting his immediate family to Brookhaven for lobsters and champagne. It was an amazing experience."

For their wedding on June 30, 2018, the couple looked to another familial place—this time, to Annie's childhood home in Bedford Hills, New York. "We knew right away that we'd love to get married at Beanfield," she says. "Beanfield has been incredibly special to both of us, my parents, and our many family friends throughout the years. It's a communal home-base for our beloved masses, so to speak, and we couldn't imagine our wedding taking place anywhere else." The couple, along with David Stark of David Stark Design & Production, were inspired by the home itself as they dreamed up a "bohemian BBQ" vision. "The 'profoundness' of Beanfield, meaning its communal importance and staggering natural beauty, served as the central inspiration for David, Marc, and I during our whole planning process," says the bride. "We didn't want anything fussy—just simple, country-inspired chic, with an emphasis on the June season."

Keep scrolling to see Annie and Marc's summer wedding dreams come to life, as captured by photographer Corbin Gurkin.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

"The dress search was actually the scariest part of wedding planning, in my opinion," Annie admits. "I was struggling to find something—anything!" That is, until she spotted her dream dress on Monique Lhuillier's Instagram feed during bridal Fashion Week. After doing some research, she discovered that the gown would be at a trunk show in Los Angeles that weekend (serendipitous, right?!) and made an appointment. "I tried it on and knew right away that I had found my dress," she says of the long-sleeved lace design. "It was as simple as that! One and done."

On the wedding day itself, the bride slipped into the V-neck dress with the help of her bridesmaids and mother. "Getting dressed and ready to go with our ride-or-die bridesmaids and groomsmen was an afternoon we'll never forget," she says.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Annie's bridesmaids were decked out in an assortment of flowery frocks by Zimmermann. To add to the day's floral-centric aesthetic, each carried a coral and white bouquet of peonies, garden roses, Queen Anne’s lace, and ranunculus.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

The women in Annie's bridal party wore delicate floral crowns, furthering the romantic, whimsical feeling of the design.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Annie chose to incorporate family heirlooms into her bridal look by wearing her mother's diamond studs and a few pieces from her great-grandmother. She embraced the floral theme by carrying a vibrant bouquet of peonies and wearing a flower crown in lieu of a veil. She also styled her hair in an updo courtesy of family friend (and adopted uncle!) Martial Cornville. "He was the hair guru on the big day, and his participation is something I'll always treasure," she says.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

The bride shared a special moment with her mother just before walking down the aisle.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

The ceremony took place on the estate's grounds, beneath a pair of apple trees overlooking a wooded glen. Guests were welcomed with programs featuring an illustration of the special trees that framed the setting. The booklets later doubled as escort cards.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

A floral arch of foliage, white delphinium, garden roses, Queen Anne’s lace, and interwoven vines created a focal point at the ceremony.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Joshua Bell, a Grammy award-winning violinist, provided music during the ceremony. The bride walked down the aisle with her father, John Starke, as a string quartet played and her mother looked on.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Annie and Marc exchanged vows in a ceremony that their planner describes as "soulful."

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Following the ceremony, the newlyweds went on an adventure with their wedding party (and their dog!) to take sunset portraits in fields adorned with wildflowers. "As a nod to my dad's family history in Brookhaven, and to replenish the property's natural virtue, my mom arranged for wildflowers to be planted throughout both fields," describes the bride. "They blanketed the entire acreage with beautiful, almost Pollock-esque flora and herbage."

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Meanwhile, guests enjoyed cocktail hour back at Beanfield, where they sipped on three signature cocktails: a Negroni, an Aperol spritz, and a Dark and Stormy.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

The couple was surrounded by 268 loved ones, including celebrity guests such as Rose Byrne, Bobby Cannavale, Paul Shaffer, Kick Kennedy, Rumer Willis, Tallulah Willis, and Robert Kennedy Jr.

Without a doubt, the night's menu was a focal point for Annie and Marc, who are "avid—if not crazy obsessed—foodies and cooks." To wow their guests, they took a quite literal take on their "bohemian BBQ" theme by hiring Fireroasted Catering to cook everything (including beef, fish, and vegetables) on an open flame. "Tom and his talented team are truly geniuses, and they take immense pride in what they do," Annie says. "Frankly, it was an honor to have them cook for our reception, and it was an honor and a joy to feast on their creations."

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

The dinner tent was nestled alongside the property's glorious, wildflower-filled field. Inside, the space was decorated with twinkly lights and long dining tables that created a "feeling of one, giant family table."

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Each table was dressed with simple white linens, glowing candles, and still life-inspired floral arrangements of wildflowers from the surrounding field.

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

There was no dance floor—guests instead kicked off their shoes and danced barefoot in the grass. (And strings of old-fashioned bulbs and hundreds of lanterns were added to further enhance the grassy setting.)

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

"Several of our very talented friends were nice enough to perform some musical numbers for us, so the reception was like an amazing concert consisting of our favorite people," recalls the bride. "The band absolutely brought the house down, and we felt so lucky to be surrounded by such love and jubilant energy."

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Photo by Corbin Gurkin

Looking back on their wedding day, Annie says it was absolutely perfect—except for maybe the sweltering June heat. "It was an insanely hot and humid day, but we didn't care," she says. "We partied and perspired the night away!"

Wedding Planner & Floral Design: David Stark Design & Production || Officiant: John B. Allen || Bride's Dress: Monique Lhuillier || Bride's Hair: Martial Cornville || Bride's Makeup: Alexandra Urvois || Bridesmaids' Hair: Rick Caroto || Bridesmaids' Makeup: Diane Manzaneres || Bridesmaids' Dresses: Zimmermann || Groom's Suit: Suit Supply || Groom's Shoes: Del Toro || Invitation Illustration: The VanNutts || Paper Products: Press New York || Calligraphy: Jennifer King Calligraphy || Music: John McCarthy, Joshua Bell, Jonny Rosch and Friends || DJ: Clark Winter || Catering: Fire Roasted Catering || Cake: La Tulipe || Rentals: Party Rental LTD. || Tent: NY Tent || Lighting: Scott Davis, Frost Lighting || Transportation: US Coachways || Photographer: Corbin Gurkin

Annie Stritzel helps Nazareth outmuscle Fenwick for 3A sectional title

Nazareth senior guard Annie Stritzel has had a simple philosophy during the Roadrunners’ Class 3A playoff run: Win at all costs.

She’s following up those words with actions.

In the Class 3A Fenwick Sectional final on Thursday, Stritzel, a Harvard recruit, scored 36 points to lift the Roadrunners to a 46-37 victory against the host Friars.

Nazareth (30-3) advanced to face Lindblom in Monday’s supersectional at Concordia University Chicago. The Roadrunners are one step away from getting back to state.

“I’m a huge competitor. I hate to lose,” Stritzel said. “Going into this game, I said, ‘I don’t care what it takes, we’re not losing.’ We’re going to keep continuing that until we finish the state championship with a win.”

Her dad, Nazareth coach Eddie Stritzel, emphasized to his team in the days prior to the game the importance of playing physical against the young but talented Friars, who started two freshmen. Annie Stritzel followed through with a near-constant diet of buckets by driving the lane or the baseline. If that didn’t work, she’d pick up a foul.

Stritzel was most effective in the third quarter when she fashioned her very own 12-1 run, including driving the lane for an off-balance layup with 5:45 left in the period. A few minutes later, she added a steal and a layup. The Roadrunners never looked back, though Fenwick pulled within four points with less than two minutes to play.

Her team’s focus on physicality was a big part of the victory, Stritzel said.

“Before, we always talked about how when teams play us, they think they are going to out-physical us,” she said. “We said, ‘Not tonight.’ … We’re not going to be out-physicaled by freshmen. We just wouldn’t let it happen.”

Nazareth’s 2-3 zone forced 19 Fenwick turnovers, and the Roadrunners spent most of their evening diving for loose balls and committing more than their share of hard fouls. Stritzel had four fouls.

Perhaps the key hustle play came with 1:07 left in the game, when senior guard Jovanna Martinucci chased down Fenwick senior guard Maggie Van Ermen off an inbound play, caused a steal and then was fouled. She made one of her free throws and gave her team a 43-36 lead.

“Coach told us we need to play aggressive,” Martinucci said. “(The Friars) play aggressive. We can play better than that, and I think we really did that tonight.”

Eddie Stritzel said he was pleased with his squad’s aggressive focus.

“(Fenwick) made a living with their high-low with their two young kids, and I thought we did an amazing job with our physicality,” he said. “Every pass was defended. You know they were going to make their run — it’s hard to beat a team on their home court.”

He added that it’s hard to appreciate his daughter’s performance because a coach doesn’t have the same perspective that a dad in the bleachers might have.

Still, he had glowing praise for her.