Basic Bitch

Shameless' Season 9, Episode 11 Recap: Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Another SMILF episode, another incredible fantasy sequence. This week’s episode, titled “So Maybe I Look Feminine” found Bridgette (Frankie Shaw, who also pulled double duty as director on this ep) following Nelson (Samara Weaving) to a blow dry bar with the intention of confronting her about shush-ing her son Larry that morning. Instead, Bridgette embarks on the Basic Bitch fantasy adventure of a lifetime that culminates with quite a (finger) bang.

At the blow dry bar, Bridgette befriends a bachelorette (Ari Graynor), and in between discovering a new dating reality show on TV and learning a scotch tape eyeliner trick, Bridgette goes blonde. She ends up spending the bachelorette party day at a Pretty Woman-inspired polo match with the gals, but it’s after she stumbles into the woods to pee that the real excitement kicks in.

Bridgette helps herself to a carrot and wanders into the horse stables where she meets none other than Kevin Bacon and his horse Peggy. After just a few moments of conversation she asks, “Will you fingerbang me?” “Okay, good,” he agrees. “You want that too?” Bridgette asks. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I want,” Kevin Bacon confirms, becoming the new beacon for a man who is both powerful and consensual at the very same time.

“Just checking in, I’m gonna fingerbang you now, but not in front of Peggy because she’s sensitive,” he says before Bridgette lies down on a bale of hale. “Okay, I’m gonna go in right now. This is a good time?” he confirms once more before removing his glove so the ecstasy can begin and the show’s sexiest moment of the season so far is upon us.

Kevin Bacon is left nearly speechless from the brief experience, minus the “Whoa,” he mutters, but manages to follow it up with, “I think this is the best day of my life.” Us too, bro!

And while he’s due back out at the polo activities, the glimpses of him dancing that this episode also provides are just as hot as the hand stuff he’s performed moments ago. Honestly, he looks incredible in all the polo gear, complete with cool shades and a chill attitude. The scene is a fun surprise, as it’s super sexy while not being overly NSFW, and Bacon is simply a delight for being game for such a silly yet sensual scene. While Bridgette is granted the opportunity to share the exciting news with her new friends before snapping back to reality, we’ll just be over here rewinding that moment a few more times.

Where to stream SMILF

Basic Bitch Brunch Bingo

Sunday is the day of worship: Christians go to church, Scientologists harass Leah Remini and Katie Holmes, and basic bitches everywhere make a pilgrimage to their mecca: brunch. Personally, my idea of a good brunch is getting sneaky drunk at Taco Bell and eating $20 worth of food from their breakfast menu, but sometimes my friends manage to bring me somewhere trendy.

In the event that one of your girlfriends drags you somewhere to drink mimosas and eat eggs Benedict, we created a little game of Bingo for you. There is no prize, because no one wins when they have to be within an earshot of a bunch of girls who wear Victoria's Secret and drink flavored Vodka even though they're over the age of 21. But at least this game makes it all the more bearable! Click through for basic bitch brunch bingo sheets to play with your friends!

[Photo via @taramilktea]

Dictionary.com now explains slang like basic bitch, cuck, and fuckboy to normies

Buckle up for the news of the century fam: Dictionary.com is upping its street cred with a bunch of new, funky-fresh slang definitions like ‘basic bitch,’ ‘cuck,’ and ‘fuckboy.’

This means you no longer have to sit around like a chump when the cool kids start dropping modern terminology at parties, nam sayin’. Instead, you can whip out your phone and and consult Dictonary.com for some turnt words you can use to show you’re truly part of the gang.

“As time goes on, old words take on new meanings, new words are introduced, and new forms of communication, like emoji and memes, emerge,” said Dictionary.com CEO Liz McMillan.

“Our products are meant to help users understand the many ways language is actually being used, so we consistently publish new additions, even when communication surpasses the traditional written word,” she continued. “With this update, consumers now have access to comprehensive, accurate meanings and example sentences using the latest emoji and slang terms.”

Unlike popular crowdsourced alternative Urban Dictionary, Dictionary.com takes a more politically correct approach to explaining terms.

For instance, Urban Dictionary’s entry on ‘cuck’ offers the following definition:

A man who is desperate for acceptance, approval, and affection from women. This desperation has led to the compromise of his beliefs and values, the desecration of his dignity and self-worth, and his inability to stand up for himself and what he deserves as a human being, eg. loyalty, fidelity, and honesty in a romantic relationship.

By contrast, here is how Dictionary.com has described the term:

A cuck is a derogatory slang term for a weak, effeminate, or inadequate man. Cuck has also been blended with conservative to produce cuckservative, often shortened back to cuck. Both cuck and cuckservative are especially used online by white nationalists to insult US Republican politicians they judge as insufficiently conservative.

In addition to the definition, Dictionary.com further provides some etymological background on the words, including how the phrases came to be, who uses them, and how they appear in everyday life.

Dictionary.com has also added definitions for several more terms, including ‘adulting‘ (or the quality of acting grown-up), ‘fuck up some commas‘ (or to spend recklessly), as well as ‘Netflix and chill‘ which most of you should be familiar with by now.

The company has similarly annotated some emoji as part of the update. You can browse through the emoji dictionary category here. For what it’s worth, Dictionary.com claims it is the first service to include such definitions – as if this marketing stunt is some grand, novel idea.

For the record, this is hardly the first time Dictionary.com has updated its vocabulary. Indeed, American magazine Bustle broached the idea of adding ‘fuckboy’ to Dictionary.com back in 2015.

More recently, the dictionary service made headlines after it quietly updated its app permissions so it could intrude on your privacy.

Anyone who wants to keep it real can get started with Dictionary.com’s full list of slangs here. It’s totally lit.

The Next Web’s 2018 conference is just a few months away, and it’ll be 💥💥. Find out all about our tracks here.