actuality

How Meghan McCain Turned Her Father's Death Into an Honest Conversation About Grieving

Heidi Gutman/ABC via Getty Images

"If there's one thing I'm doing in 2019, it's to continue to destigmatize talking about grief, death and cancer. My father shared his life in public. I share it in death."

When Meghan McCain shared those words on Twitter, it was much more than a New Year's resolution.

In actuality, it was a promise The View co-host wanted to share with her fans and followers just one day before she celebrated her very first Christmas without her dad, Senator John McCain.

"To all of you out there missing a loved one tonight—you are not alone," she added. "I'm along side you, sending strength."

That strength has been visible for the past six months as Meghan has tried to get back to normal—whatever that normal may be—after the Arizona Senator passed away from brain cancer at 81.

While many grieve the loss of a loved one in private, Meghan and her family had to mourn with America as republicans and democrats alike celebrated the life of a war hero and "maverick" of the United States senate.

For some, they will never forget John's funeral where politicians including Barack Obama and George W. Bush came together and listened intently as Meghan remembered her dad.

"My father was a great man. He was a great warrior. He was a great American. I admire him for all of these things, but I love him because he was a great father," she shared during the service broadcast across the country. "For the rest of my life, whenever I fall down, I get back up. Whenever I am hurt, I drive on. Whenever I am brought low, I rise. That is not because I am virtuous, strong, resilient; it is simply because my father, John McCain, was."

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Over the past six months, Meghan has certainly made her father proud as she returned to work at The View where she brings her voice to the panel that includes Whoopi Goldberg, Abby Huntsman, Joy Behar and Sunny Hostin.

But in between discussing "Hot Topics" and interviewing everyone from politicians to reality stars, Meghan has found a way to spark a conversation about grieving that hasn't been talked about before.

When looking on Meghan's social media pages, you will likely find throwback photos with her family. What comes next are honest, candid, real feelings that many can relate to when going through the grieving process.

"I still miss you every hour. Time feels slow, like being underwater—I try and fill the days distracting myself from how painful it all still is. I cannot believe how intense it all still feels—isn't it supposed to start easing up by now? It hasn't," Meghan wrote on Instagram 139 days after her father's passing. "Grief keeps a tight and relentless stranglehold. I replay my last few days with you over and over again in my head wishing I had said or done something more or different, I wish I could somehow have stopped death from coming. It doesn't get easier, I just continue to try to adapt to the amputation and keep moving, breathing, living, fighting."

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Meghan's first Election Day and Veteran's Day without her father was difficult. The best-selling author revealed from John's grave site that Sundays are when she misses him "the most." And then there are the ordinary rituals that become extraordinary when a loved one passes away.

"66 days. I wake up every morning still instinctually trying and reaching to call you on the phone. I miss you so much Dad it physically hurts my heart. I miss your laugh, your voice, your dark sense of humor, the way you always made me feel safe in a world that seems to have lost its way. I miss your dry ribs and grilled chicken. I miss you singing The Beach Boys on the porch," Meghan shared in a separate Instagram post. "I miss waking up and drinking cappuccino and reading the New York Times together. I miss your old far side t-shirts and watching John Wayne movies. I miss hiking across the creek to the top of the mountain and watching the black hawks. I miss the way you cooked eggs and bacon. I love you forever. Stay with me."

For some, all of the personal stories and memories have been too much to handle. A few have tweeted at Meghan suggesting she "do this in private." When Meghan responds, the individuals have a habit of suddenly deleting their not-so-nice messages.

But when one follower told Meghan "you are not that special," The View co-host couldn't help but explain her mindset.

"I don't believe I am special—far from it. There are many of us who are in grief and have lost those they love so deeply," she explained. "But it makes me feel less alone and hopefully others less alone to share the grief process that is still so taboo to some."

In a recent interview with Porter magazine, Meghan shared that she is in therapy and counseling. She's tried mediating and has been reading several books from Joan Didion.

When returning to The View for the first time, Meghan thanked all of her co-hosts for constantly supporting her. She also gave credit to Joe Biden, Joe Lieberman and her faith for keeping her mentally strong.

"God is real, I wouldn't be here without my faith," she shared from the New York City studio.

But perhaps her open and honest messages about grief are the ultimate signs of strength: strength her father instilled in her for 34 special years.

"He made me this tough so I would survive this," Meghan shared on The View. "Some men raise their daughters to be seen and not heard. They raise their daughters not to speak out."

"Raise strong women," she continued. "Really, it's the only thing that is keeping me right now is how tough he made me and he did that and I love him."

02

Ravens News 2/23: WR worth pursuing, draft class heroes and more

Ravens are in very good hands if Eric DeCosta’s early returns as new GM continue - Jason La Canfora

But, in actuality, the Young signing and the Flacco trade are indicative of a new approach being spearheaded by longtime Ravens exec Eric DeCosta in his first few months taking over as general manager for legendary Ozzie Newsome. And if the Ravens get their way, their recent overtures to linebacker Matt Judon and defensive tackle Michael Pierce will result in contracts as well, with league sources indicating the team is actively trying to extend them as well as Mosley (and Baltimore will be wise to lock up restricted free agent linebacker Patrick Onwuasor).

Give DeCosta high marks for managing, somehow, to get a high-fourth-round pick for Flacco at a time when the quarterback market has more supply than demand, and for getting Young locked up. And you can expect him to continue to press to reshuffle this roster and take money from aging players on the way out and use it to buy relatively low on players who the team still retains rights to. Take from descending players to give to ascending players. Makes perfect sense to me.

DeCosta has major decisions to make this offseason at nearly every position on the roster.

Ten receivers worth pursuing via trade/free agency/NFL draft - Reggie Wayne

4) Tyrell Williams, free agent

Williams was often overlooked on the Chargers, playing alongside guys like Keenan Allen and Mike Williams, but the free agent has a knack for getting in the end zone, with 16 touchdown receptions since 2016. He can catch in traffic and is a huge downfield threat. Williams, who will enter his fifth NFL season in the fall, has the ability to be a No. 1 receiver on several teams. There’s definitely a market for him.

10) Donte Moncrief, free agent

My former teammate in Indy was able to avoid injury with the Jaguars in 2018 to play a full 16-game slate for the first time since 2015. His numbers aren’t off the charts, but the 25-year-old has real upside. If he can learn to be a consistent player who brings it every day, Moncrief has the potential to help an offense take the next step.

While Tyrell Williams can certainly stretch the field, it remains to be seen if he can maintain his production if he receives more attention from defenses. Moncrief retains untapped potential and could be a cheaper signing.

DRAFT CLASS HEROES: NFL COMBINE PREVIEW - Jon Ledyard

Running Backs

Most To Prove: David Montgomery, RB, Iowa State

Montgomery clearly has some important strengths for a running back on tape, but his athleticism has been called into question by many evaluators over the past year. If he can put those concerns to bed, he’s likely to be one of the top backs off the board.

Sleeper: James Williams, RB, Washington State

I don’t know that many of the sleeper running backs will test well, but Williams should hold his own in all the workouts, while also catching the ball at an elite level compared to the rest of the running backs in positional drills. No back in college football has had the receiving impact that Williams has the past few seasons.

Safety

Most To Prove: Deionte Thompson, Alabama

There is a long list of safety prospects I could put in this spot, but Thompson’s stock has slid in the media after a few poor plays to end his 2018 season. Does the NFL feel the same way? They definitely will if he runs a 4.6 in Indy.

Sleeper: Marquise Blair, Utah

It feel like no one is talking about Blair, but I think he’s the type of player the NFL will consider in the 60-100 range of the draft. His athleticism needs to check out however, which I would expect given his explosiveness and apparent long speed on tape. Maybe some buzz on Blair gets going after Indy.

The scouting combine gives teams an opportunity to rank players grouped in similar tiers.

03

Cuomo budget director hands out blame for abandoned Amazon project (LETTER)

In a lengthy open letter released on Friday afternoon, State Budget Director Robert Mujica blamed the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union, Queens politicians and the Senate Democrats for Amazon’s decision to abandon plans for a headquarters in New York.

The full text of the letter is available below.

Much of the letter rehashes the alleged role Senate Democrats played in the collapse of the deal, which Cuomo highlighted earlier in the day during an interview with WAMC. But Mujica also assigned blame to RWDSU, which he accused of trying to exploit the tech company’s plans for New York.

He outlined how the union funded protests to oppose the Amazon headquarters as part of a larger negotiation ploy to organize workers at Whole Foods, a subsidiary of Amazon. “It backfired,” Mujica wrote.

Additionally, Mujica raised questions about the legality of some of the protests allegedly funded by the union.

“Ironically, much of the visible ‘local’ opposition, which was happy to appear at press conferences and protest at City Council hearings during work hours, were actuality organizers paid by one union: RWDSU. (If you are wondering if that is even legal, probably not),” Mujica wrote.

A spokesperson from the union did not immediately respond to an email requesting comment.

The letter doesn’t spare the Cuomo administration either (we add sarcastically), with Mujica acknowledging they could have done more to communicate what a great deal New Yorkers were getting.

“We assumed the benefits to be evident,” he wrote.

“As just about everyone in this state, if not the country, knows by now, Amazon has terminated its plans to bring its second headquarters to New York State. It is a tremendous loss for New Yorkers and I hope that at a minimum, we understand the lessons learned.

“In my 23 years in the State Capitol, three as Budget Director, Amazon was the single greatest economic development opportunity we have had. Amazon chose New York and Virginia after a year-long national competition with 234 cities and states vying for the 25,000-40,000 jobs. For a sense of scale, the next largest economic development project the state has completed was for approximately 1,000 jobs. People have been asking me for the past week what killed the Amazon deal. There were several factors. 

“First, some labor unions attempted to exploit Amazon’s New York entry. The RWDSU Union was interested in organizing the Whole Foods grocery store workers, a subsidiary owned by Amazon, and they deployed several ‘community based organizations’ (which RWDSU funds) to oppose the Amazon transaction as negotiation leverage. It backfired. Initially, Whole Foods grocery stores had nothing to do with this transaction. It is a separate company. While Amazon is not a unionized workforce, Amazon had agreed to union construction and service worker jobs that would have provided 11,000 thousand union positions.

“New York State also has the most pro-worker legal protections of any state in the country. Organizing Amazon, or Whole Foods workers, or any company for that matter, is better pursued by allowing them to locate here and then making an effort to unionize the workers, rather than making unionization a bar to entrance. If New York only allows unionized companies to enter, our economy is unsustainable, and if one union becomes the enemy of other unions, the entire union movement – already in decline – is undermined and damaged

“Second, some Queens politicians catered to minor, but vocal local political forces in opposition to the Amazon government incentives as ‘corporate welfare.’ Ironically, much of the visible ‘local’ opposition, which was happy to appear at press conferences and protest at City Council hearings during work hours, were actuality organizers paid by one union: RWDSU. (If you are wondering if that is even legal, probably not). Even more ironic is these same elected officials all signed a letter of support for Amazon at the Long Island City location and in support of the application. They were all for it before Twitter convinced them to be against it.

“While there is always localized opposition, in this case it was taken to a new level. The State Senate transferred decision-making authority to a local Senator, who, after first supporting the Amazon project, is now vociferously opposed to it, and even recommended appointing him to a State panel charged with approving the project’s financing. Amazon assumed that the hostile appointment doomed the project. Of course the Governor would never accept a Senate nomination of an opponent to the project and the Governor told that to Amazon directly.  The relevant question for Amazon then became whether the Senate would appoint an alternative who would approve the project. 

“As newspapers have reported, Amazon called the Senate Leader and asked if she would appoint an alternative appointee who would support the project.  The Senate would not commit to an alternative appointee supporting Amazon.  That was the death knell.  No rational company, or person for that matter, would assume the Senate would flip flop from appointing a staunch opponent of the project to appointing a supporter of the project.  It defies logic.  However, if that was their plan, Amazon needed a direct representation to that effect from the Senate.  It never came.  Indeed, to this day, the Senate has never said they would appoint a member who would support the project.    Companies assume rational, logical behavior and cannot spend months and millions of dollars on approvals if ultimately the road is a dead end.

“Furthermore, opposing Amazon was not even good politics, as the politicians have learned since Amazon pulled out. They are like the dog that caught the car. They are now desperately and incredibly trying to explain their actions. They cannot. They are trying to justify their flip-flopping on the issue with false accusations that it was a ‘backroom deal.’ Let’s remember that as a condition of the competition, every bid was sealed to prevent governments from altering their bids to be more competitive. Empire State Development supported the numerous local applications in the state who wanted to bid for HQ2, but on the condition that the local elected officials and community supported it, and Long Island City was no exception.

“In working with New York City, we advanced Long Island City’s application with the signed support of the area’s local elected officials, including State Senator Mike Gianaris and New York City Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer. Both Gianaris and Van Bramer flip-flopped on this position after Long Island City was chosen, distorting the facts of the agreement and mischaracterizing the tax subsidies as ‘a cash giveaway.’ Now that Amazon has pulled out, local politicians are feeling the backlash from the project’s previously silent supporters and are dissembling. Local senators’ claims that their phone calls were not returned are particularly offensive, given that the local senator was the first person ESD President and CEO Howard Zemsky met with when we made the HQ2 announcement. I also remained in contact with him about the project as the State Budget Director, and he refused to sit on the community engagement board or even meet with Amazon representatives. Efforts were made to address legitimate concerns, all of which were ignored.

“Third, in retrospect, the State and the City could have done more to communicate the facts of the project and more aggressively correct the distortions. We assumed the benefits to be evident: 25,000-40,000 jobs located in a part of Queens that has not seen any significant commercial development in decades and a giant step forward in the tech sector, further diversifying our economy away from Wall Street and Real Estate. The polls showing seventy percent of New Yorkers supported Amazon provided false comfort that the political process would act responsibly and on behalf of all of their constituents, not just the vocal minority. We underestimated the effect of the opposition’s distortions and overestimated the intelligence and integrity of local elected officials.

“Incredibly, I have heard city and state elected officials who were opponents of the project claim that Amazon was getting $3 billion in government subsidies that could have been better spent on housing or transportation. This is either a blatant untruth or fundamental ignorance of basic math by a group of elected officials. The city and state ‘gave’ Amazon nothing. Amazon was to build their headquarters with union jobs and pay the city and state $27 billion in revenues. The city, through existing as-of-right tax credits, and the state through Excelsior Tax credits – a program approved by the same legislators railing against it – would provide up to $3 billion in tax relief, IF Amazon created the 25,000-40,000 jobs and thus generated $27 billion in revenue. You don’t need to be the State’s Budget Director to know that a nine to one return on your investment is a winner. 

“The seventy percent of New Yorkers who supported Amazon and now vent their anger also bear responsibility and must learn that the silent majority should not be silent because they can lose to the vocal minority and self-interested politicians.

“It was wrong to manage this issue as if it were a single legislator’s political prerogative on a local matter. This was not a traffic signal or local zoning issue. Losing the Amazon project was not just a blow to Queens County, it hurt the whole State from Long Island to the Capitol Region’s nanotechnology corridor to the emerging Panasonic plant in Buffalo, and it was a bad reflection on every single local elected official. Legislators must realize there is a difference between playing politics and responsibly governing.

“Progressive politics and policies have been the signature of Governor Cuomo’s administration. No state in the nation has more progressive accomplishments, and being the most progressive state in the nation means having the most stringent and aggressive protections and policies in place. We are proud that our values create a stronger, healthier, fairer work environment, but we shouldn’t kid ourselves about how they impact our competitiveness when businesses consider where to locate. We are also proud of the unprecedented investments we make in education, healthcare, infrastructure and housing, but in order to fund them, we need a sustained tax base.

“As the political debate rages in this country, the Governor reminds us of the facts that ‘to be a progressive, there must be progress.’ The creation of opportunity and jobs is the engine that pulls the train and, as he also often says, ‘the best social program is still a job.’ Without a tax base we are not financially able to achieve the laudable goals we seek.

“Make no mistake, at the end of the day we lost $27 billion, 25,000-40,000 jobs and a blow to our reputation of being ‘open for business.’ The union that opposed the project gained nothing and cost other union members 11,000 good, high-paying jobs. The local politicians that catered to the hyper-political opposition hurt their own government colleagues and the economic interest of every constituent in their district. The true local residents who actually supported the project and its benefits for their community are badly hurt. Nothing was gained and much was lost. This should never happen again.”